Catch-Up

We finally got Lucy's 1st Article of Faith talk loaded.

Now...time to catch up on quotes from the last several conference talks we've read!

Happy last day of February to one and all! 

Come, Listen to a Prophet's Voice

All of us experience temptations. So did the Savior, but He “gave no heed unto them” (D&C 20:22). Similarly, we do not have to yield simply because a temptation surfaces. We may want to, but we don’t have to. An incredulous female friend asked a young adult woman, committed to living the law of chastity, how it was possible that she had never “slept with anybody.” “Don’t you want to?” the friend asked. The young woman thought: “The question intrigued me, because it was so utterly beside the point. . . . Mere wanting is hardly a proper guide for moral conduct.”7  Elder D. Todd Christofferson, "Moral Discipline," October 2009

Come, Listen to a Prophet's Voice

"I have heard a few parents state that they don’t want to impose the gospel on their children but want them to make up their own minds about what they will believe and follow. They think that in this way they are allowing children to exercise their agency. What they forget is that the intelligent use of agency requires knowledge of the truth, of things as they really are (see D&C 93:24). Without that, young people can hardly be expected to understand and evaluate the alternatives that come before them. Parents should consider how the adversary approaches their children. He and his followers are not promoting objectivity but are vigorous, multimedia advocates of sin and selfishness." Elder D. Todd Christofferson, "Moral Discipline," October 2009

Come, Listen to a Prophet's Voice

"Moral discipline is learned at home. ...Our teaching [in the home] should...focus first and foremost on instilling faith in God in the rising generation. We must declare the essential need to keep the commandments of God and to walk uprightly before Him in soberness, or in other words, with reverence. ...This requires more than an occasional reference to one or another gospel principle. There must be constant teaching, mostly by example." Elder D. Todd Christofferson, "Moral Discipline,"  October 2009

Come, Listen to a Prophet's Voice

"The lack of internal control by individuals breeds external control by governments. One columnist observed . . . 'Policemen and laws can never replace customs, traditions and moral values as a means for regulating human behavior. ...Our increased reliance on laws to regulate behavior is a measure of how uncivilized we’ve become.' ...There could never be enough rules so finely crafted as to anticipate and cover every situation, and even if there were, enforcement would be impossibly expensive and burdensome. This approach leads to diminished freedom for everyone. In the memorable phrase of Bishop Fulton J. Sheen, 'We would not accept the yoke of Christ; so now we must tremble at the yoke of Caesar.' Elder D. Todd Christofferson, "Moral Discipline," October 2009

Come, Listen to a Prophet's Voice

"Moral agency- the right to make choices and the obligation to account for those choices ... must be accompanied by moral discipline. By 'moral discipline,' I mean self-discipline based on moral standards. Moral discipline is the consistent exercise of agency to choose the right because it is right, even when it is hard. It rejects the self-absorbed life in favor of developing character worthy of respect and true greatness through Christlike service (see Mark 10:42–45). The root of the word discipline is shared by the word disciple, suggesting to the mind the fact that conformity to the example and teachings of Jesus Christ is the ideal discipline that, coupled with His grace, forms a virtuous and morally excellent person. Elder D. Todd Christofferson, "Moral Discipline," October 2009

Come, Listen to a Prophet's Voice

"It is easy to confuse our priorities. We have a duty to secure the physical safety and well-being of our children. However, some parents place undue priority on temporal and material possessions. Some are far less diligent in their efforts to immerse their children in the gospel of Jesus Christ. Remember that having religious observance in the home is as important as providing food, clothing, and shelter. Parents can also help children discover and develop their talents. We are responsible for the talents we have received. Children who are not taught that they are accountable for their time and talents are increasingly subject to the foolishness and unrighteousness that are so pervasive in the world." Elder Quintin L. Cook, "Stewardship - a Sacred Trust," October 2009

Come, Listen to a Prophet's Voice

"We try to do what is right because we love and want to please our Father in Heaven, not because someone is forcing us to obey." Elder Quentin L. Cook, "Stewardship - a Sacred Trust," October 2009

Come, Listen to a Prophet's Voice

"Now, I did not sail with the brother of Jared in crossing an ocean, settling in a new world. I did not hear King Benjamin speak his angelically delivered sermon. I did not proselyte with Alma and Amulek nor witness the fiery death of innocent believers. I was not among the Nephite crowd who touched the wounds of the resurrected Lord, nor did I weep with Mormon and Moroni over the destruction of an entire civilization. But my testimony of this record and the peace it brings to the human heart is as binding and unequivocal as was theirs. Like them, '[I] give [my name] unto the world, to witness unto the world that which [I] have seen.' And like them, '[I] lie not, God bearing witness of it.'" Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, "Safety for the Soul," October 2009

Come, Listen to a Prophet's Voice

"For 179 years this book has been examined and attacked, denied and deconstructed, targeted and torn apart like perhaps no other book in modern religious history—perhaps like no other book in any religious history. And still it stands. Failed theories about its origins have been born and parroted and have died—from Ethan Smith to Solomon Spaulding to deranged paranoid to cunning genius. None of these frankly pathetic answers for this book has ever withstood examination because there is no other answer than the one Joseph gave as its young unlearned translator. In this I stand with my own great-grandfather, who said simply enough, 'No wicked man could write such a book as this; and no good man would write it, unless it were true and he were commanded of God to do so.'" Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, "Safety for the Soul," October 2009

Come, Listen to a Prophet's Voice

"Love. Healing. Help. Hope. The power of Christ to counter all troubles in all times—including the end of times. That is the safe harbor God wants for us in personal or public days of despair. That is the message with which the Book of Mormon begins, and that is the message with which it ends, calling all to 'come unto Christ, and be perfected in him.'”  Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, "Safety for the Soul,"  October 2009

Real Discovery

My mom (Lucinda Truman), who fostered my own testimony of The Book of Mormon, is posting today.

Balance

I stand on the edge

Teetering, tense

My concentration inward,

No outward reach.

While all along, running in parallel with the narrow rim

Is the iron rod for me to cling to if I will?

When I wrote those words nearly twenty five years ago I knew The Book of Mormon was true. I had read it in seminary, read from its pages for years after, and understood in some uncommitted corner of my mind that it was my solace and my salvation. But it wasn’t until my oldest sons were deacons that my real discovery of The Book of Mormon began.

Our family had just moved from the beautiful home we had built in Bountiful, Utah, a home we had planned to live in forever, to Overland Park, Kansas. Phil’s new job required the move. He was called into the Bishopric, and was happy; the children seemed to adjust well. I was not happy. I tried to be, I went through the motions, but I was not sincere.

One Sunday afternoon a young man strode down the hall after church, his hand outstretched, and introduced himself. He was Scott Jackson, newly graduated from BYU and in six weeks he was to marry the most beautiful girl in the world and bring her to Kansas to begin their new life. He was brimming with good cheer and excitement, and when he was called as Deacon Quorum advisor I mentally rolled my eyes and thought to myself “He’s the right age for the job! He’ll fit right in with the boys!”

Some weeks later I heard my son Mark on the telephone, “Have you read yet? Because, if you do we’ll get pizza!” As the calls continued with the promise of pizza I was curious. When I asked Mark about the calls he explained that if all the deacons read The Book of Mormon for a month, Scott was going to give them pizza. My motherly guilt surfaced. I knew we should be reading the scriptures as a family everyday. We sporadically tried. The present effort was a scripture a day over breakfast from a scripture calendar. But I knew we needed to do better.

Soon Scott brought his lovely bride Karen to our ward; she was called to work with me in the Young Women and was as talented and beautiful as he proclaimed her to be. This young couple was a wonderful example. And my boys were reading The Book of Mormon everyday, and enjoying pizza.

Quickly I understood that my children were going to have a deeper knowledge and understanding of the scriptures that I did. And I began to read. I did not yet read everyday, but I read, and over the course of the few years Scott and Karen were in our ward our family’s experiment with the word began in earnest.

Karen and Scott moved to California for employment and our family moved back west to Las Vegas soon after.

Phil was again called into the Bishopric and I was again working with the Young Women. I had recently read all the standard works and was encouraging the Young Women in our ward to read The Book of Mormon. Scott was traveling and dropped in to visit us. We were all delighted to see him and hear about his family. He had been such an influence in our family and I asked him how he persuaded the Young Men to read in The Book of Mormon everyday, was it the pizza? His answer was obvious and simple, “You have to do it too, that’s all.”

And so I did, for the last twenty years I have read from The Book of Mormon everyday. I believe all of our children and grandchildren do the same. The promise President Ezra Taft Benson made is true: “It is not just that the Book of Mormon teaches us truth, though it indeed does that. It is not just that the Book of Mormon bears testimony of Christ, though it indeed does that, too. But there is something more. There is a power in the book which will begin to flow into your lives the moment you begin a serious study of the book. You will find greater power to resist temptation. You will find the power to avoid deception. You will find the power to stay on the strait and narrow path. The scriptures are called “the words of life” (D&C 84:85), and nowhere is that more true than it is of the Book of Mormon. When you begin to hunger and thirst after those words, you will find life in greater and greater abundance.”

My life is abundantly blessed because of The Book of Mormon, through trials and afflictions, through joys and celebrations the power of the word had guided me along the rim of life and given me power to try to reach out and share the blessing of faith in Jesus Christ manifest in its pages.

I declare with Ammon: “. . . but behold, my joy is full, yea, my heart is brim with joy, and I will rejoice in my God. Therefore, let us glory, yea, we will glory in the Lord; yea, we will rejoice, for our joy is full; yea, we will praise our God forever. Behold, who can glory too much in the Lord? Yea, who can say too much of his great power, and of his mercy, and of his long-suffering towards the children of men? Behold, I say unto you, I cannot say the smallest part which I feel.”

I Choose You

Every Tuesday I attend a class taught by a licenced and practicing psychologist. Topics range from depression to academic success, and our discussions are generally very thought-provoking and insightful.

A couple weeks ago, our topic regarded, in part, the challenges inherent in choice. Our teacher cited a study that was so interesting to me. Will you play along for a moment?

It was a home decor experiment on its face: participants were divided into two groups and given the chance to choose a poster or piece of artwork from a large selection. Members of Group 1 were asked to make their selection with the assurance that they could return and make exchanges at will. They could trade their picture at any time. Members of Group 2, however, were asked to make their choice with the understanding that their decision would be final. They could keep the art - no charge - but they could not trade.

After a time, participants in the study were surveyed to determine which individuals were more satisfied with their choices- the ones who could exchange or the ones who could not.

What would you guess?

Many members of our class were surprised to discover higher rates of satisfaction among participants who were not allowed to exchange their choice.

The reason?
Comparison.
The participants who were invited to trade their artwork at will were constantly comparing - constantly wondering if they couldn't find something a little better, while those who could not trade were content.

Fascinating, isn't it?
I've thought a lot about that concept in relation to relationships - about how our satisfaction and love truly increase when we commit and stop comparing.

I experienced that increase seven and a half years ago. On July 12, 2002, Wes asked me to marry him. Our engagement wasn't a surprise. We were in LOVE. We'd been talking about getting married for over a month. But something did surprise me: the feelings I had for Wes when I woke up on July 13th were not the same feelings I'd had through our courtship. The love I felt on the morning of July 13th was markedly different. It had increased exponentially. Overnight. I wrote in my journal something like: "It's amazing how much commitment increases love."

It is amazing. And real. But only when the commitment is real, and when we allow it to limit other options.

When Wes was a little boy he heard about a divorce in a friend's family at school and later brought up the subject with his parents. He has never forgotten their reassuring response: "Divorce is not an option for us." That was all he needed to hear. He hasn't worried about their marriage since.

He shared that impactful memory with me before we were engaged and I knew that I wanted my own marriage to be couched in that kind of commitment. (I'm not saying that divorce isn't sometimes necessary. But I don't believe it is often necessary.)  Because isn't there power in that kind of commitment? The kind that says, "I choose you. For keeps. Forever." Isn't there power in the kind of commitment that ceases searching for a someone or a something that might be better? Isn't there power in the kind of commitment that gives all and not part?

We've found that there is power in that kind of commitment. Power and satisfaction, and security. That kind of commitment - devoid of comparison, full of contentment -is what makes marriage "more an exultant ecstasy than the human mind can conceive." (Spencer W. Kimball). And in this modern world of overwhelming options, we wish we could shout:

Don't be afraid to choose! Don't be afraid to commit! Don't be afraid to love.

Marriage is worth it.
Trust us.

Tradition

Thanks for those great movie ideas! We can't wait to watch them all!

Today we want to share one of our favorite Valentine's Day traditions:

"How Do I Love Thee?"JEFFREY R. HOLLAND

This talk is meaningful to us and we read it just about every year.

Print it off and read it together.

We Wanted to Rent a Good Love Story Last Night

But did you know that Shadowlands is no longer being produced? That you can't buy or even rent a copy anywhere in town? That you have to find it on Amazon and buy it for a million dollars? We didn't know.
Sigh.

It's worth a million dollars, though, isn't it?

"The pain now is part of the happiness then. That's the deal."

Better get it soon! Before it costs two million dollars!

But while you're waiting for your copy to arrive, you might try our other favorite love story,

Have you seen it? You should see it.

Here's why we love both of these. We don't have to recommend them with a disclaimer. There are no scenes to fast forward. Nothing to be insulted by. Wes and I have a really low tolerance for the low brow innuendo and the sometimes sickening sensuality that plague the silver screen these days. And it's getting harder and harder to find good movies without them, isn't it?

So we thought it would be fun to compile a list of favorite romances. Stories that are passionate and moving and devoid of inappropriate content. Do you have any favorites?

Cause we still want to rent a movie. =)

A Controversy

Here's what we feel strongly about: marriage. Here's what is super controversial in our society today: marriage - what it is, and who should fall under its description. Lots of words get thrown around in this debate. Lots of ideas and opinions and feelings. It's a global discussion that we're sure isn't going to die anytime soon, and we feel a growing desire to be more articulate about our own opinions and feelings regarding the topic.

We have religious feelings about it, to be sure. We believe that God has ordained marriage between a man and a woman. But there are other reasons we feel defensive about the traditional definition of marriage. Social, civic, political reasons. And we wouldn't post about social, civic, political reasons on a religious blog if they didn't blur. If they didn't impact each other. But in this case, they really do. And in this case, we feel it's important to be literate about both sets of reasons - secular and religious.

So today we've asked our friend Danny Frost to share an article he wrote:

A Defense of Traditional Marriage

In the past I have noted that news coverage of same-sex marriage almost always leans in a pro-same-sex marriage direction; even articles which set out to address both sides of the issue (such as this recent article by the NYTimes), if read closely, endorse the pro-same-sex marriage side of the debate. Because the case for traditional marriage is not often made clear in the news media, I would like to give a defense of it here.

One of my concerns with same-sex marriage can be illustrated by beginning with a story. Imagine that at some point in the future same-sex marriage is legalized by the US Supreme Court. Shortly thereafter a grandmother, 60, and her granddaughter, 21, apply for a marriage license. The granddaughter is pregnant and they want to get married in order to gain the benefits of marriage to better care for the child. The state, in response to their petition, says, "We were willing to say that people of the same sex can marry, but we're not quite ready for incestuous relationships to be called marriage." The grandmother/granddaughter couple can reply in one of two ways. First, they could say "What we do as consenting adults in the privacy of our own bedroom is not the state's business." Given the prevailing social norms about sex (i.e., that sex is just a pleasant experience between consenting adults), I frankly don't think our public culture has much to say in response to this argument, but we can leave that discussion for another occasion. I think the grandmother/granddaughter couple could give another response that is even more interesting. They could instead respond, "Oh, you don't need to worry about that. We haven't the slightest sexual interest in each other, and we'd be willing to sign a legal document ensuring that we'll never have sexual relations of any kind. We realize that throughout our history marriage has been seen as a sexual relationship of some kind, but we don't see why sexual relationships should be considered more important than other kinds of relationships that involve love and commitment. We believe that marriage is fundamentally about love and commitment, and we definitely love each other and are committed to each other. Therefore, we should be able to marry."

How does the same-sex marriage state respond to that? The state could say, "OK, fine, you can be married," but this concession empties the concept of marriage of almost any meaning. Parents could marry children, brothers could marry sisters, and all this because marriage would not carry with it any presumption of sexual involvement. This seems to redefine marriage out of existence.

But then we are left with the question: why does the government have an interest in recognizing sexual relationships simply because they are sexual? Why should the state give legal and economic benefits to sexual partners which it does not give to, say, committed chess partners? Why are sexual relationships considered "special" before the law? One answer could be that sexual relationships matter a lot to people, and this is undoubtedly true. But business relationships matter a lot to people as well. There are many things that people consider important, significant, or fulfilling in their lives, and it's not immediately clear why the law should privilege some kinds of activities and relationships over others. The point I'm getting at is that the rationale for same-sex marriage can't be, "People of the same sex should be able to marry because these relationships are really important and fulfilling to them," because that justifies a lot more than same-sex marriage. It justifies marriage for anything that is really important to you, and actually makes sex just one reason consideration among many for getting married (and not a necessary one at that).

How do proponents of traditional heterosexual marriage avoid these problems? On the traditional account, marriage is considered (among other things) a permanent, exclusive sexual union, and the reason it gets special legal and economic benefits is not because sexual relationships as such are somehow more significant or important than other relationships, but because (hetero)sexual relationships are the kind of relationship which produces children. Society has an interest in ensuring that children are reared in an environment which is conducive to moral, physical, and social development. The nuclear family in which children are reared by their biological parents has proven to be (other things being equal) the best place for that development to take place. Marriage (conceptualized as a permanent, exclusive sexual relationship) makes it easy for children to know on whom they have claim for support (their biological parents), and makes it easy for society to know to whom parents owe special duties of care and concern (their biological children). Parents have a special responsibility for their children which they do not have for others, and marriage is the institution which ensures that children get their rights and parents fulfill their responsibilities.

Of course, children are not always raised by their biological parents, and the state has an interest in their growth and development too. This brings us to a discussion of who should get the various benefits that come with being married. As far as I can tell, being married typically brings about three different kinds of benefits: 1) the title of being "married", 2) legal benefits (such as being able to visit one's spouse in the hospital, joint ownership of property), and 3) and economic benefits (tax credits/deductions for children). I'll address these in reverse order.

I think that the economic benefits that go along with marriage should be centered on the children that a marriage has produced or will produce. Bearing and rearing children is a public service - any society interested in lasting beyond the current generation needs to have a plan of replenishment. Having children is also a costly enterprise, affecting the revenue producing capacity of parents throughout their lives. It is therefore just and right for society to make fewer financial demands of those who bear and rear children. Also, prior to having children, I think it makes sense for the government to give married couples some economic benefits in preparation for their children, at least for a period of time (say, up to 10 years). Benefits should be in some way proportional to the number of children borne and cared for. However, if the couple never has children, I don't think they should keep getting the kinds of economic benefits that couples with children do get. On this framework, people who care for children in situations other than the traditional family should also get economic benefits. This could be an older sibling taking care of a younger sibling, two grandparents taking care of a grandchild, a gay couple taking care of the children of one of the partners, etc. These benefits would kick in when an individual or individuals begin caring for a child.

Though the issue of legal benefits is more complicated, I think many of the legal benefits that go along with marriage should be available to people in other arrangements. For example, if two people want to jointly own property similar to the way that a marriage partnership owns property, I don't think this should be particularly legally difficult. Similarly, if I want my best friend from college to be able to come see me in the hospital, I should just be able to enter into some kind of legal arrangement which would make that possible. These kinds of benefits could be available "a la carte," or in some kind of bundle, depending on the interests of the parties.

Lastly, I think only heterosexual couples should have the title of being "married" because heterosexual couples are the only kind of relationship which produces children which are the biological offspring of both parents. Almost all biological functions can be carried out "in house," by one organism: respiration, circulation, digestion, etc. However, reproduction is a biological function which requires both male and female involvement. Only heterosexual relationships produce children which are the biological offspring of of both parents. Children who are the product of such a relationship have a special set of rights and obligations which are specifically attached to their biological parents; likewise, parents have special obligations for care and concern which are specifically focused on their biological children (and not on other children). Of course, the world being what it is, many parents and children do not give or get their due; however, I do think it makes sense for society to have an institution (i.e., marriage) centered on that one relationship which by its very nature is oriented toward the begetting and raising of children. Children can be raised in other circumstances, and the state should be sympathetic to their needs; and people can choose to fashion their lives around concerns which are not directly related to procreation, and the state should honor some of their desires; but the bearing and rearing of children by their biological parents is a societal interest which deserves its own institution. That institution is and should be traditional marriage.

*** Endnote on infertility: It is frequently argued against accounts like mine that infertile heterosexual couples should not be able to marry because they, like homosexual couples, cannot produce children. But this comes from a confusion about "kinds." On my account, heterosexual couples, even if they are not fertile, are in every case the kind of relationship which produces children which are the biological offspring of both parents. Take another example from biology. Even if a kidney is not functioning to cleanse blood, as it is designed to do, it is still correct to say that it is the kind of organ that cleanses blood. It simply would not work to say that a brain is the kind of organ which cleanses blood, because it doesn't. That is not its function. Likewise, human reproduction requires both a male and a female, and (here I borrow language from Robert George) even if every heterosexual act is not procreative in fact, it is procreative in type - it is the kind of relationship which produces children who are the offspring of both parents. This should be the relevant characteristic for what counts as a "marriage," even if, as I noted, many of the economic and legal benefits of marriage are given to people in other arrangements.

You can find Danny's original post here. The comment thread is also thought-provoking.

Words

A few we love (on the topic of love):

"The salvation of man is through love and in love. He who has a why to live can bear with almost any how."
Victor Frankl

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"Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking together in the same direction."
Antoine de Saint-Exupery

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"If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently. You shield it and protect it. You never abuse it. You don’t expose it to the elements. You don’t make it common or ordinary. If it ever becomes tarnished, you lovingly polish it until it gleams like new. It becomes special because you have made it so, and it grows more beautiful and precious as time goes by. Eternal marriage is just like that. We need to treat it just that way."'
F. Burton Howard*

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"I suppose no one is as handsome or as beautiful as he or she wishes, or as brilliant in school or as witty in speech or as wealthy as we would like, but in a world of varied talents and fortunes that we can't always command, I think that makes even more attractive the qualities we can command - such qualities as thoughtfulness, patience, a kind word, and true delight in the accomplishment of another. these cost us nothing, and they can mean everything to the one who receives them."
Jeffery R. Holland

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"We feasted on love; every mode of it, solemn and merry, romantic and realistic, sometimes as dreamatic as a thunderstorm, sometimes comfortable and unemphatic as putting on your soft slippers.  She was my pupil and my teacher, my subject and my sovereign, my trusty comrade, friend, shipmate, fellow-soldier.  My mistress, but at the same time all that any man friend has ever been to me." 
C.S. Lewis

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"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung, and possibly be broken. ...Christ did not teach and suffer in order that we should become more cautious of our own happiness, even in our natural loves. If a man is not uncalculating, and in that way reckless in loving his earthly beloveds whom he has seen, how will he be in his love for God, whom he has not seen? We should draw nearer to the love of God, not by attempting to avoid the sufferings inherent in any love, but by accepting them and offering them to him, by throwing away all defensive armor, taking all risks, descending when he so wills, into all tribulations." 
CS Lewis*

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Love
by Czeslaw Milosz*

Love means to learn to look at yourself
The way one looks at distant things
For you are only one thing among many.
And whoever sees that way heals his heart,
Without knowing it, from various ills--
A bird and a tree say to him: Friend.

Then he wants to use himself and things
So that they stand in the glow of ripeness.
It doesn't matter whether he knows what he serves:
Who serves best doesn't always understand.

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i carry your heart with me
by E. E. Cummings*

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

*Thanks to our friend Michelle for contributing a few of the finer words in this collection!

A New Year's Resolution

At our last stake conference (a large gathering of several LDS congregations in our area) our stake president shared (with a twinkle in his eye) one of his & his wife's goals for 2010:

Kiss each other at least 3 times a day.
1 kiss has to be at least 12 seconds long.

We quickly added that to our own list of goals. Might be the only resolution we've kept!
We highly recommend!

"The Gospel's True and I Love You": A Legacy

They met in grade school and were friends for years. In 1924 he asked her to the Senior Prom and insisted that she save the first and last dance for him. After the dance that night, they went out for sodas with a group of classmates. Then, on the way home, after a night of such fun, the car ran out of gas.

Two of the boys set out on foot for the needed fuel, leaving Darrel behind to protect the car and the dates. All the girls snuggled down in their coats, some going to sleep. Except Bertha. She watched quietly as Darrel wrote on the foggy window: I LOVE YOU.

“You mean it?” she asked. He nodded and the night ended with their first kiss.

Darrel Welling and Annie Bertha Bowring are my grandparents. He died the year before I was born, she, my freshman year of college. But I grew up knowing: they were a pair. A practically perfect pair. I can’t remember a visit to my grandma’s house without her nodding toward Grandpa’s portrait and saying with fervor “That’s my man!,” or “Isn’t he a handsome man?!”

“The gospel’s true and I love you” was the motto of their marriage. It was their life philosophy. Their legacy.

I asked my mom to write out a few of the stories about Grandma and Grandpa Welling that she used to tell me as a child – stories that I savored as a young girl and that helped me define the kind of marriage I hoped someday to have. Speaking, then, of her parents, my mom writes...

Mother was Dad’s queen. She was his joy. She might have been an ordinary cook, but we children always thought she was a gourmet chef, the way Dad spoke of her. She may have been just a nice-looking lady, but we thought she was a movie star. Those were the days of Gone with the Wind and it was common then, as it is now, to hear someone say how gorgeous this actor or that actress was. Whenever Dad overheard those comment he would tenderly squeeze Mom and say: “She doesn’t have one thing that your little mother doesn’t have!”

Those expressions of admiration were mutual. I remember sometimes Mother would call me over to the window to “Look at him! … Isn’t he wonderful?!” All I saw out the window was an ordinary, broad-shouldered man in a pit helmet mowing the lawn. But HER eyes saw a Greek God. I remember Mother patting Dad’s strong back as they hugged on the doorstep, making comments such as, “You’re just like the rock of Gibraltar!” She sincerely, and to the end of her life, thought there was no one to compare with ‘”her man.”

They looked for the good in each other and acknowledged it. They simply showered each other with love. Mom often left little notes in Dad’s pocket, or little slips of paper with the letters—ILYD. (I love you dear.) To the end of his life Dad carried one of those slips in his coat pocket, near his heart.

Their devotion to each other was only surpassed by their devotion to the gospel. Two weeks after their wedding, Dad was called to serve a mission in Arkansas. You can’t imagine how difficult it was for the newlyweds to part company after just two weeks of marriage! Later, as a mission president, Dad would tell his missionaries how incredibly homesick he was for his little bride. Homesick to the point that HARD WORK, PRAYER, FASTING, and DESIRE to SERVE failed to help him overcome the heart ache. Finally, one evening, he prayed to Heavenly Father, saying that he just couldn’t take it anymore and that if he felt the same in the morning, he would have to go home. That night he dreamt that he DID go home and that no one would speak to him. Even his bride. He said when he awoke, he was sooooo grateful to be on his mission! His served faithfully and with great dedication before returning home to Mom.

A picture Bert sent to Darell on his mission. On the back in her hand,

"If you were here you'd get it right in the face!"

Neither of them thought the other was perfect. But they knew that perfection wasn’t realistic or needful. They simply found the good in each other and pointed it out. Suggestions for improvement (they were always trying to improve) were couched in great love. There was such respect.

I remember that they’d attend conventions all over the country for Dad’s work. The men would go to their meetings while the wives attended luncheons, etc. One time, after the men had gone, some of the women decided to go somewhere different than had been originally planned, and they invited Mom. She agreed and started to write a note to inform Dad of the change. “Do you have to get permission from your husband every time you do anything?” a few women snickered as they filed past her.

Later, alone together, Mother told Dad about what the other girls had said. “Do I?” she questioned him.

“Well, let’s see, Honey,” he answered, “We’ve always been considerate of each other. Leaving notes so the other doesn’t worry, checking to make sure our schedules work together. Has that bothered you?” he questioned sincerely.

“No,” she replied.

“Well, then, why change?”

They never let outside opinions taint their views of one another. They trusted each other and weren't suspicious of the other’s motives. One of the first jobs Dad had was in the Car Business. He owned a dealership. One day, one of Mother’s neighbors approached her and said: “I saw your husband driving around with a beautiful blond the other day!”

Mother responded, “Well, I sure hope his clients aren’t all plain old men! I’m glad nice looking women are buying cars too!”

Sometime later Dad heard about the incident and asked, “Did So-and-So say something to you about me driving around with a woman?” Mom related the neighbor’s suspicion, as well as her own response. Dad took her in his arms and said: “Thank you, Bert!! You NEVER have to worry about me. I am a one-woman man!”

They were truly one – spiritually and physically. They were always close. Always touching. And they lived with wonderful humor. Mother was alone twenty years after Dad died and she missed him terribly. She talked and talked about him when I was with her in her late years. I remember laughing at the characteristic tale of an afternoon (they must have been in their late 60’s) when they were home alone together. Dad was working at his desk when Mom came waltzing into the room wearing a new red fox fur coat he had given her. He looked up and smiled. Then she flipped the coat slightly open, revealing a bare leg and he got up and laughingly chased her about the house.

Intimacy was important to them. So was the temple. Each week as a child I would see Mother and Dad’s white temple clothes washed, pressed, and hanging ready for use.

At Grandma Bert’s funeral, I saw her in those white temple clothes. “The gospel’s true and I love you!” was the phrase I could almost hear as I envisioned a happy reunion of these two great lovers in a different realm and a in a different state. They believed in eternal union - and in a truly celestial kind of love.

Tomorrow: A New Year's Resolution

The Godhead: An Overview

in God the Eternal Father,

and in His son, Jesus Christ,

and in the Holy Ghost.

I've been loving those words this week - 'specially the way they sound coming from my four year old's mouth. This week Lucy's been preparing a Primary talk about the first Article of Faith. So we've talked a lot about it. And I've t h o u g h t a lot about it. Teaching a child makes you evaluate everything you believe, doesn't it?

The conclusion: there is much to say! We'll have to take this topic of the Godhead in chunks. Here is Lucy with an introductory overview (i.e. her Primary talk. Please note that this is a practice performance. In her pajamas. And please don't be fooled into believing that the actual delivery in church happened without a good amount of prodding and patience. Turns out, testifying to stuffed animals and little brothers is easier than speaking in front of peers. =).



The first of March, we'll dive deeper into these doctrines of God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Ghost.

But today, there's one other thing. A little memory in the back of my mind that begs recording.

Forever

A lovely morning last summer.
A long, brisk walk - just me and my two lil' sweeties in the stroller.

I remember that Lucy was in rare form. Her odd comments and sincere animation were devoid of the four-year-old conjecture sometimes present when she pines for attention, and she was just making me laugh. I finally said, "Lucy, I just love to be together with you."

She oozed a similar sentiment in return, adding as an afterthought, "I just want to keep Spencer (her little brother) forever!"

I agreed, heartily: "So do I! And I want to keep you and your dad forever!"

We kept walking, and as my heart filled with tenderness at those thoughts, my tounge ran away with doctrine: "Lucy, do you know that we can be together forever?! Do you know that Mom and Dad were married in the temple? Do you know that if we all try to keep Heavenly Father's commandments, and if we all try to be kind and loving..."
I had lost her.

She was looking out across the horizon. "Forever?" she asked with quiet thoughtfulness and raised eyebrows. "Even when the sky turns black?"

It was my turn for raised eyebrows.
Even when the sky turns black?

I've considered Lu's question periodically since that summer morning. I thought about it at length when Wes began new treatments for brain cancer.

"Even when the sky turns black?" my heart inquried of heaven.
"Even after life as we know it is over?"
"Even following the seeming darkness of death?"
"Will we really be together, then?"
"Forever?"
Having an answer to those quesitons is a big deal to me.

"Was there ever a man who truly loved a woman, or a woman who truly loved a man, who did not pray that their relationship might continue beyond the grave?

...The human heart longs for it, and the God of heaven has revealed a way whereby it may be secured. The sacred ordinances of the house of the Lord provide for it."
Gordon B. Hinckley

I believe that.
We believe that - Wes and I, both.

And because of our belief in the eternal importance of love and family, because of our belief that "marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children," we think February is wonderful: a season to remember and rejoice in love.

Long lasting love.
For time and all eternity.
That's really what Valentine's day is about to us.

So in celebration of the season, we thought we'd post everyday this week. Just random things about love & marriage. Because, what's more fun than that??

Tomorrow: "The Gospel's True and I Love You": A Legacy