For Mother's Day

Next year, when Wes and I don't spend the first week of May cruising the Mexican Riviera, we'll have a whole week of Motherhood posts! (Because oh, what a topic!)

This year we just have one post. But it's a good one. In 2007, before her darling twins were born, my dear friend Amy Fitzgibbons wrote this. Now, as a mother of two almost two-year-olds (!) she writes:

Travail. I learned that word in high school French class. The sophomoric translation is “work”. The Lord told Eve that she would have “travail” in child bearing. Has there ever been so great an understatement?


Lori asked me to write about how motherhood has brought me closer to God. I will do my best, but anything I say will also be an understatement. Because it’s impossible to explain the small moments of inspiration that lead to great faith and hope and blessings.

It’s daunting to approach a subject that reaches everyone in such an individual way. Since I can’t speak for you-here is a little of my “travail”.

Infertilily. Clomid. IUI. IVF. Failure. IVF. Miscarriage. IVF. Twins! 29 week twins. 3 months in the NICU twins.

That is my journey to motherhood in a nutshell. But there’s so much more to it than that.

Prayers. Blessings. Whispered Revelation. Tears. More prayers. More tears. Waiting. Wondering. Anger. Depression. Chocolate. More prayers. Ice Cream. Priesthood blessings. Promises. Lots of babies born-not mine. Adoption? Not right. Money? We don’t have enough. Weight gain? Oh joy-more ice cream. Fear. Great Fear. More prayers---answered prayers. Blessed prayers. Blessed Revelation.

What is the result? I have 2 beautiful, healthy babies. A boy and a girl. They are almost 2. Two?! While pregnant you would have heard me promising things to a bulging belly such as, “I’m never going to take you for granted. I’ll never yell or be impatient. We’ll always be happy.”

HA. You can say it. I do everyday. They are TWO. I yell. I get impatient. I pray for long naps. I beg for a break. I wish them away. You do too, right? Right?

Before my husband and I got married we decided to make Alma 37:6 a theme for our family. “…by small and simple things are great things brought to pass…”

And so I try to remember that it is the small moments that make all of the travail and hard days and tears become great—godlike. That’s why we’re here. And remembering that is the only problem.

But the kids don’t seem to have forgotten. Because when you mention Jesus, don’t they seem to stare and ask with their eyes, “You know Him too?”

Yes, I know Him too. Most importantly, He knows us. Me. He knew that becoming and being a mother would be the hardest thing in the world. He knew my heart would break over and over. But He also knew that a broken heart would drive me to my knees over and over. In tears. In humility. In anger. In confusion. In hope. In faith. In tears again. And because of those prayers and these experiences, I am closer to who I need to become.

I often get comments from strangers, “you have twins? A boy and a girl? How perfect. How did you get so lucky?”

But they don’t really know. I’m not “lucky” because I have them. I’m blessed because of who gave them to me. And to whom they really belong. It wouldn’t matter if I had twins, triplets, boys, girls, or monkeys. I have happiness in motherhood because of the Savior who knows. And that’s why on my bad days I remember. I remember those past prayers. And know that if He helped me then, of course He will help me now. And I travail for one more day.